Working normal

I've been really lazy these past couple of months. Not only have I not posted anything here, haven't even visited it! I won't be blaming it on pregnancy (people say that you tend to be forgetful when you're pregnant) but purely on laziness.

It's been almost 4 months since my last post but I have been updating some friends through my friendster blog as to how my pregnancy has been going. Hmm...maybe I'll just copy what I posted there and put it here. But won't that be like what's that word...pliagi...ahhh!!! whatever it is that's it, myself if I do that? Well, I'm here now and better put something worthy of people's eyes.

I'm back on normal duties and boy, it feels nice. Although I do have the occasional setbacks because I'm being very careful not to injure my very sensitive wrist otherwise everything's fine and dandy. I'm waiting for my first night shift after 3 months. Wonder how I'll turn out to be? Maybe I'll be more sleepy because of my pregnancy or I'll be more lazy and not wash my patients altogether. Hehehe....that's bad.

Anyway, being back on the floor makes me feel like a normal person. You don't hear people tell you or ask you, "when are you gonna be a real nurse?" or "can you do this for me while you're floating?" I'm now the one who gives out the orders or the favors for the others. Nope I'm not 'returning the favor' or whatever but it does feel different when people ask you if you need anything and not the other way around. So much for work. I'm on an ADO so I shouldn't even be thinking of it.

It will keep us alive

I seem to be addicted to the Eagles and posting lyrics. Haven't been online for quite sometime and even if I am online, the messages that I have to read keeps taking up most of my time.

Last night, we were watching my husband's newly-bought U2 vertigo concert in chicago. As I am not really a huge fan (although I would have loved a ticket for their concert here), I fell asleep halfway through it. But one concert that I wouldn't fall asleep in is The Eagles. I don't care how many times I watch the concert so long as I can hear the soothing voice of Timothy sing this song

LOVE WILL KEEP US ALIVE

I was standing

All alone against the world outside

You were searching

For a place to hide

Lost and lonely

Now you’ve given me the will to survive

When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

Don’t you worry

Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride

The world is changing

Right before your eyes

Now I’ve found you

There’s no more emptiness inside

When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

I would die for you

Climb the highest mountain

Baby, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do

I was standing

All alone against the world outside

You were searching

For a place to hide

Lost and lonely

Now you’ve given me the will to survive

When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

"Home"

Posted this on my friendster blog and since I couldn't think of anything else to put in to this blog of mine, decided to post this again. I just love Michael Buble'...his songs always hit...

"Home"

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I’m fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I’m lucky I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home

I’m just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life

It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not Come along with me

But this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

And even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be allright

I’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home

wala lang

I have to think of another lousy excuse for not posting anything on my blog. Used to be so active in writing down my thoughts, rantings, ramblings and so on and so forth then all of a sudden, I just didn't want to do it anymore.

I wish I could go home to see my folks like my bro. Unfortunately I don't have enough resources to go back. I'm keeping my fingers (including my injured thumb) that I might be able to come home on Christmas next year. Hmm...I might injure my other thumb if I keep doing it.

My brother in law was here for three days and I told him instead of taking home all the stuff that we asked him to give to our parents and nephews and nieces, pack me in his bag and take me home. It is afterall still my home.

Haaay....

surviving surprise

I never thought that someone's actually reading my posts. Life does spring up a few surprises once in a while.

I'm still surviving and still in one piece. I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get a tongue-lashing on study day as I haven't submitted any of the packages that was given to us. I just don't have the energy (nor the answers) to do it.

We've had two losses in our group. One resigned and the other transferred to a lighter area. I wish I can do the same thing but my aries streak is coming out. I'm too stubborn to accept defeat and perhaps I would never accept it until...well...never.

absentee

It's been awhile since I posted anything. I guess it doesn't really matter since no one's reading my blogs anyway. Just like with what's been happening in my life.

My last entry was dated way back in august and it's october already. In my almost 2 months of absence I've been doing lots of things. The most significant in particular is finally getting into a hospital and start working there. I though that this is the best thing that could happen to my professional life. Or was it really???

I started working three months ago and the supervisor was kind enough to put me in as a regular staff which was great since she can probably see that I had something in me. Not even a week into my job I walked up to her office and asked her if she can possibly transfer me from being a regular staff to one of the trainees. It was perhaps the most crucial and hard decision that I had to make up. She told me that they (her and the educator) had a feeling that I might talk to them and ask them to go into training. You know why?!?!?! Kasi one of the staff told them that I am not ready (which at that time I wasn't really) and having second thoughts. Ever since that day she and one of the pregnant ladies always looks at me in an odd sort of way. I feel like everyone is pushing me around as well.

I feel like I've had enough of this but I have to push on. I don't want to look like a complete failure just because I couldn't stand up to them. Before I got married I told myself that I'd stop being such a snob and be the nice girl. But the nice girl thing is not working here. You either have to be a bitch (like most of them) lest you'll be trampled upon.

There's so much more that I'd like to put down but I'm inside the library and I might get too emotional for my own good.

Oh well...

Pathological Liar

I'm feeling so guilty right now. For the past couple of days I haven't gone to work simply because I didn't feel like it. They've called me earlier checking if I can do an extra shift. After saying yes I immediately called them to take it back and making up an excuse which even for the layman will sound lame. Now I'm overcome with guilt and instead of forgetting about the whole episode I'm thinking of calling them back to say I changed my mind again. But that will make me look like a fool.

During my conversation with my husband I told him that I think I've become a pathological liar (if there is such a term). I can't remember the number of times that I've had to make an excuse just to get out of something then feeling guilty afterwards. If that's the symptom then I probably have it.

I don't want to sound as if I'm defending myself but these past few days have been draining me of my much needed energy for work. I've had a lot of things on my mind one of which was a big decision on where do I go from here?

I was talking to a nun and I asked her what made you decide to be a nun? She gave me back the question asking me what made me decide to be a nurse? I've thought about my answer and the only thing that comes into mind is, "my mom asked me to." I still have the same answer a decade after I finished college. It doesn't make sense, I want to serve and I know that I'm good at what I'm doing but why is it that I can't think of a much better answer?

Ahh...all this stress is making me bleed again. That is one symptom of stress for me...bleeding. I don't want to go deeper into that topic as it will probably make people throw up.

Maybe lying has become a defense mechanism of mine when I want to get out of a tight bind. I just hope that I don't have to make a real excuse and then I'll look like The boy who cried wolf.

Nope, I'm not lying.

all i wanna do...

My husband never reads my blog, he probably doesn't even know I have one. Anyway, i'm just feeling a little sentimental since this morning. I love this song just as much as I love my hubby. Looking at the lyrics made me think that this is what he's doing for me (except carry me around when my arthritis strikes and I never drink alcohol). I'll definitely grow old with you honey.

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you